There is so much difficult right now– all these financial stresses, a new diagnosis of fibromyalgia from the rheumatologist I saw on Monday, looking at having to leave my long-time therapist due to not being able to afford insurance that will allow me to see her.
And yet I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of donations through my Go Fund Me campaign to help me afford to sell my house. To those of you from here who have donated, I don’t know how to thank you enough. To those of you who have shared my link, thank you. The more people who see it, the more likely I am to reach my goal. Closing is now set up for the 30th, but the buyer has access to the house to begin repairs and work on it, so there is security in that because I know he is not going to walk away.
Feelings of shame, feelings of being a con-artist.
Because there is no way I could deserve this kindness from friends much less from strangers.
And ever so grateful for this crazy dog who stays by my side through all of it, who goes to day hospital every day and just chills. This dog who never chills at home. This dog who broke the entertainment center yesterday, spinning and killing his toy. This dog who is immediately on his feet and in my lap when my anxiety starts to rise. This dog who just knows.
I am grateful to his breeder for creating him and entrusting him to me. I am grateful to her for taking my baby Bean back when I could no longer care for him. No question. No blame. No wavering. Gratitude that she is going to keep him and not just place him, that he gets to still play flyball and that he is so comfortable being handled by whoever is available (having been to several tournaments without me because I was inpatient) that he was putting down 3.8s and 3.9s in the pack for her.
He is a lot to be proud of.
I miss him so much but he is better off with her.
Grateful to all of my friends for their patience and their support. Grateful for the internet and all the friends I have made there over the years, simply because we were brought together in places of mutual interest. Rats. Dogs. Books. Mental illness.
I’ve known some of you for almost 20 years now. Unbelievable.
We are all still here.
I love you.
I am beside myself with gratitude.
I don’t know how to thank you enough.