Falling to pieces.

I spent the end of August and the first three weeks of September inpatient again, fighting through despair and excruciating anxiety, through a med change, and developing chronic pain issue that no one seems to be able to diagnose. I donated another six tubes of blood yesterday and all the results will undoubtedly be normal. I have an appointment with a rheumatologist but their first appointment available isn’t until October 19th. Funsies.

I am so grateful that my friends were able to swoop in with no notice and take care of my dogs. I wish I knew how to tell them that they are life-savers, that if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be able to go inpatient, I wouldn’t be able to get better.

My Border Collies spent 6+ weeks this summer living with their breeder. This is why people go to good breeders. Because they have your back, because they care what happens to the dogs they produce.

I ended up returning Bean, which was a horrible decision to make. He has been my sunshine and butterflies dog, always so happy and full of enthusiasm. He has been so much fun to hike with, to run in flyball, and to play with in general. But right now I just can’t give him what he needs. He has all the energy of a 3 year old pup and I can’t keep up with him. With his breeder, he gets plenty of time running and playing with other dogs. Rumor has it that he likes to go to work with her. He seems to get to go lake swimming quite a bit as well.

He belongs there.

Steve, on the other hand, belongs with me.

I also sent Toothless back to his mom. He is such a fun dog and I love the snot out of him, but again, I just can’t.

So a four-dog home down to a two-dog home just like that. It is so empty and quiet, but it is so much less stressful. I feel a lot of guilt, but I did what was right especially for Bean. He should be happy, he deserves to run and play, and I just am unable to give him that.

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One Response to Falling to pieces.

  1. Rebecca Harbert says:

    Takes a lot of courage to do what is best for yourself and others. Hope you find out what is going on and get help with it very soon.

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